NJ Has Been A Bad Girl & Other Stuff

Okay, so I have been feeling poorly for the last few months... and now I know why. Seeing as I haven't been taking my thyroid medicine the way I should have been taking it... I have no one to blame but myself, so now I have to become strict with myself and make sure I take my medication.

I have to go back to the doctor on Monday to get results of the blood test I had to have today... I now have to be smarter about my health. I'm going to be a lot better at this taking care of myself shit.

So now I have to take a step back from everything and retrain my way of thinking the time has come for me to think about me... But that's enough about me... you're really not interested in my personal life and I should really get back to talking about books and other stuff.

BOOKS: Lately I've been reading Sherrilyn Kenyon... I haven't read the Dark Hunter series in a while so it felt like the right thing to do.  And really I'm enjoying it, so I'll keep going.

NETFLIX: I'm watching Longmire again... mainly because it was a damn good show... and I have nothing better to do.

MOVIES: I haven't really watched any lately. I have to be really in the mood to sit there and watch a movie.

COOKING: I'm attempting to cook meatloaf━how hard can it be? I'll let you know how it all turns out the next time I do a post. I at least hope it's edible. I'm totally winging it. I have no recipe so to speak, so I'm making it up.

I Finally See The Light

After 15 months I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel. and my life is going to get back on track. I'm not saying that all my troubles are over, but at least the hard yards are mow done. I've gone to court/mediation and dealt with the separation of my marriage. I think in the long run we will both be happier now that we can move on, and enjoy the rest of our lives. I may have walked away with less, but I truly do feel a lot freer for the letting go.

The care of my mother has also now been sorted out and I am now officially classed as her carer. which truly has been a 15 month battle... due to lost paperwork (numerous times) and just being shuffled from one government department to another. But I got the phone call this morning to say that it had all finally been sorted out. This is a load off my mind.

During the course of all of this weeks stress I forgot to take two days worth of migraine medication and I'm frigging paying for it today. My head is killing me, so it's going to take a couple of days for the medication to get back into my system and flowing properly... SO THIS IS A MISTAKE I WON'T BE REPEATING...

Everything should be sorted out completely over the next 3 weeks so after that I will be able to concentrate on writing again. I hate that I haven't been able to string so much as a sentence together for any of my stories. I hope to make up for it in the latter half of the year.

I honestly didn't realise how draining stress could be. The last 2 years for me have been absolute hell in having to deal with shit that life threw at me, but I survived. I'll go on and each day will get better. Mainly because I have people that need me still. Many a day I would have loved nothing better than to have curled up into a ball and cried my eyes out, but couldn't. My motto was "Suck it up, Princess. There are people out there who have it worse off than you. You're alive and breathing, so just keep going." Not very original, but it worked for me.

Now I just have too much to live for. I have family. I have friends (Even if you are all spread out all around the globe). I have pets who love me unconditionally. Even better, I have a head full of ideas that are just waiting to be shared with you all.

Why Is It?

Why is it... when I go onto the internet to do some research, I always end up looking at a shitload of abandoned houses and buildings? I just can't seem to help myself. I must admit that it hasn't helped that I've been watching Most Haunted on Netflix and they are usually set in abandoned and decrepit buildings. Honestly they just seem to fascinate me for some reason.

Why is it... when I have to spread the chook poo on the garden bed I keep putting it off? Same with changing of the light bulb (I know that one is because I have to go and get a ladder from my brother's place as I have fricken high ceilings.) but I have to get it done today before my sister turns up as the faulty bulb is in the spare room.

Why is it... When I think I have the whole house clean I find more stuff that needs to find a permanent home? I really need to just go through it and throw it away if it's trash, or donate it to charity if it has a chance of being rehoused. Sometimes I just keep crap for just in case I ever need it, and I never do.

Why is it... when I write out a shopping list and then go and do the groceries I always come home I've always forgotten something on the list and come home with a ton of stuff that wasn't on the list? It seems to happen to me every shopping day. So fricken annoying, as I'm trying to stick to the shopping list these days or else I never use things before the use by dates are well and truly up.

Today...

→ At 1am little Jaxon Walker was born 8lb 1oz, and seems to be doing well. I am helping for both Mum and bub. Lacey has always wanted to be a mum and now she finally is... and she'll be a fantastic mum at that. She's always spoiled her nieces and nephews rotten and they all love her two bits.

→ Emily moves out today. I'll miss her for a bit, but I sure will be glad to get all of her belongings out of my house. and get my place cleaned up. I love my daughter but she has way to much stuff to stay with us for any length of time.

→ Woke up this morning and it was the first time I actually had to reach for a jumper upon getting out of bed. And I have been sneezing ever since putting it on. So I'm assuming Willow (the cat) has managed to sneak into the cupboard and lay amongst my winter wear.

→ Went out shopping with Emily last night and picked up some essential for her new place... microwave, pots, dishes, kettle, toaster, chopping board, cooking utensils, glasses, etc... there were some things we forgot (bin and we still need to get a fridge, but we need to see what size fridge will fit in before we can buy one of those.

→ Once my house is back in order I'll be able to settle down and write again. It's hard to write while I live in utter chaos.

Some Good News & Some Bad

Emily finally found a place of her own to move into. She picks up the keys on Friday, which means that I finally will be able to get my own house back to normal... and I can't wait.

My poor niece is still in the hospital and hasn't had her baby as yet. she got induced yesterday at 12ish... I'm waiting for baby pics.

Strangely I have a headache today, and I don't think it has anything to do with my migraines. I have a ache in my ear (I've suffered with sore ears for most of my life, so nothing new there). Today I woke up and I have like a heartbeat in my right eardrum. It's not exactly painful, just annoying.

I'm starting to get frustrated with life in general... not enough to do myself self harm or anything like that. I'm just frustrated that my life seems to be on hold while I wait for the justice system to release my funds to me. Why does it take so long for everything to get signed off on... But that's all I've got to say about that.

Centrelink is still taking their sweet time deciding whether or not to pay me the carer's payment for looking after my mum (who has been diagnosed with the start of dementia). It's been going on for  15 months now. I don't understand why they are fighting me so much. they prefer us not to put our family into homes for people to look after then, don't want to help us out, because I can't go out and work and leave mum home on her own as she has a tendency to panic... and thankfully we no longer have gas... once she left that one and I didn't know until I walked into the house, and thank fuck none of us were smokers. She couldn't smell it and didn't have a clue that she had done it... SCARY.

Cloudy With A Chance Of Rain

It's a quarter to 9am and it is sill really dark outside, but I bet the rain misses us. Or because I need to go out and finish in the garden later it will piss down with rain. (I'm taken one of our garden beds back to lawn━neither I, nor my brother want to look after it). I got most of the work done yesterday, but hurt my back on the last wheelbarrow load that I moved. Today I just have to flatten out the bed itself to make it level with the existing lawn. Then hopefully the grass will start growing over it in no time at all.

Emily is off to Toowoomba today, and I thought I'd spend the morning playing catch up on my computer while I have the chance... Hopefully by the time I'm done my back will be feeling a little better.

It really feels like a day where I should just curl up on the couch and snuggle in and read a book━by the way, in case your interested I'm currently reading Ally Blue's series: Bay City Paranormal Investigations... I'm also reading Alexis Morgan's series: Paladins of Darkness... these are two series I read quite often, and every time I do I find something that I missed.

I'll also have to take time out to catch up on the housework that I didn't do yesterday, but at least their isn't a lot of that. mainly just dusting and tidying up and folding up the washing. My mum thought she would be smart and put stuff on the seat of her recliner so that cat wouldn't jump up and lie on it while she wasn't their... Yeah, that so didn't work. Droogie just jumped up and pushed the stuff out of the way and mad himself right at home... Sadly to say Mum better think of something else. I don't know why he's taken a liking to her chair but he has.

Quite frankly, something else I could do today is sit here and think of new story ideas. this is the sort of weather that seems to generate the best ideas. The near darkness brings the creative juices to the forefront of the mind so to speak. But coming up with the ideas and actually transferring said ideas onto the page are two totally different things. I have a shitload of story ideas that will probably never see the light of day as I don't know how to translate what I see inside my mind, into the written word for you all to enjoy. Inside my head it makes perfect sense. On the page however it doesn't. Every now and again I reread through them all and toss the ones that I think aren't worth saving.

Justified Or Not ~ Words Hurt.

← I honestly have to believe that statement is true, because if I don't then I could possibly become very depressed with life. It has recently been pointed out to me that I share too much of my private life at the most inappropriate moments in time... so I'll have to work on that. Honestly I hardly go anywhere so I don't see that happening at all, but it must be true or else this person wouldn't have said it... and in case you're wondering, I do trust this person. They wouldn't have said it out of spite. Sometimes I just have no brain to mouth buffer.

→ Reviews I think are what hurt me the most, because people's opinions sometimes can be very scathing. I always figured even if you don't like the story you could always say it in a nice way instead of just ripping the author to shreds. You have to remember the author poured their hearts and souls into the stories they produce and it hurts to see the way people sometimes ruthlessly tear them apart. I've had some particularly bad ones in the past, so much so that I really hate to read my reviews. a few have brought me to tears. most just leave that big old ball of lead in the guts feeling, where you are sure that the reader didn't even understand what you were trying to say in your story... and if they couldn't get it, then how crap of a writer must I be? They worse ones are the ones that call my work sugary sweet, which is never my intention while writing a story.

→ Don't ask questions if you don't want the truth. Some people don't know how to soften the bluntness. I am one of those people. I'm also one of those where if I ask a question I expect the truth and not some convoluted version of the truth. I don't get hints. So it's best to tell me straight out what you mean.

→ I'm not the sort of person who will sulk about things for days, or weeks on end. because that's just not me. I'll go away and think about it for a day or two and figure out how to make myself a better person, or a better writer. I don't think I can please 100% of the people/readers 100% of the time, because if I could it would be a miracle. Just know that when I do return I will be stronger for having done so.